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 Lots of tagalog jokes (part5)

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dzypherus
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Male Number of posts : 376
Age : 34
Location : Philippines(Iligan)
Registration date : 2007-08-20

PostSubject: Lots of tagalog jokes (part5)   Thu Aug 07, 2008 2:27 am

Example ng mga hindi tamang sagot sa maayos na tanong:
1. Kumain ka na?
- Busog pa ako

2. Andyan ba ang nanay mo?
- bakit po?

3. Anong oras klase mo?
- mamaya

4. San kayo galing tol??
- nagstroll lang tol

5. Paano mo ginawa yan?
- madaling lang
*************************

Mag syotang nag uusap sa tabing dagat

Girl: Hon anong zodiac sign mo??
Boy: (nagisip siya dahil bobo hindi nya alam) sayo muna hon.
Girl:zodiac sign ko Cancer
Boy: sa kin Goiter!!!

*****************************

May bata na nasa bubong binobosohan ang magsyota

Girl: paano pag nabuntis ako??

Boy: bahala na ang nasa taas...

Bata: Hala!!! P*****ina!!! bat ako!!! nanonood lang ako ah!!!



Bob: nagkakamagkano ka sa isang araw???
Pulubi: naguumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na, naka P80 na ko
Bob: hindi na masama no?? ano mabibili mo dyan???
Pulubi: Puwede na itong isang espreso macchiato sa starbucks..

*****************************************

Usapan ng dalawang mayabang...
Jhun: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Manoy: Alam ko.
Jhun: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Manoy: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

*************************************

Isang araw sumakay ng Bus si Lola
Konduktor: Lola psensiya na po kc puno na! Payag po ba kyo ng Patayo?
Lola: Tinamaan ka ng Lintek kung inabot mo lang ang kabataan ko, kahit patuwad payag ako!

*************************************************

Sa Isang Jeep

Pasahero: Mama, Magkano Po Yung Pasahe?

Driver: 7.50 Yung Minimum

Pasahero: (Dumukot Ito Sa Bulsa Para Kunin Yung Pera Niya, Ngunit sa Di Sinasadyang Dahilan Kulang Yung Pamasahe Niya.) Patay, Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Paano Kaya Ito? (Nag Isip Ito At Lumingon Sa Driver. Napansin Niya Na Duling Ito. Sabi Niya Sa Kanyang Sarili, Tama Duling Yung Driver Sigurado Pag Nagbigay Ako Ng 3.75 di Niya Mapapansin Na Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Kasi Doble Yung Paningin Nito. Inabot Niya Sa Driver Yung Pera.

Ngunit Laking Gulat Niya Nung May Sinabi Yung Driver Sa Kanya.

Driver: Kulang Ito!

Pasahero: Anong Kulang? Di Ba Sabi Mo 7.50 Yung Minimum?

Driver: Oo Nga 7.50 eh Dalawa Kaya Kayo.

Patay! Akala Mo Lusot Kana ha?



Sweets... Sweets... please.. Sweets please honey...
Pacquiao: jinky, honey ko. buksan mo na yan Sweets
jinky: nasaan honey? loving talga ang manny ng buhay ko..mwuah,mwuah,mwuah
Pacquiao:hindi honey yung Sweets ng ilaw..pakibukas hindi kasi ako makakita.. sobrang dilim dito.



3 girls ang halos sabay sabay na umuwi sa kanilang boarding house. Galing sa kanilang date...

Girl1: hay!!! exciting ang date ko.. look!!! nagulo ang hair ko..
Girl2: ah sa akin ang the best!!! look, nabura ang make up ko!!!
Girl3: (natatawa lang sa dalawang babae.. tinanggal ang panty, hinagis sa wall.. dumikit!!!) yan ang the best na date!!!


anak: nay anong ulam?
nay : baka
anak: baka wow!
nay : baka wala



69
GIRL:mag-69 tayo dear !
BOY ano yun?
GIRL:ganito lang...
(pmwesto n cla at bglang nautot ang girl ng 4 times):
BOY:ayoko na!DI KO N KYA UNG NATITIRANG 65


BRA SIZE

Gusto ng isang mister na magregalo ng bra para sa kanyang misis, ngunit hindi niya alam kung anong size ang bibilhin.
Salesgirl: Sinlaki ho ba ng papaya ang boobs ni misis?
Mister: Hindi.
Salesgirl: Mala-mansanas?
Mister: Hindi.
Salesgirl: Ahhh? parang itlog?
Mister: Oo! Pero prito, ha?!



A very smart cop on a witness stand!


If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.
He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was
trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win



The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

"I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to, " his wife replied.

"No," he insisted,

"I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend,

her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied,
" now just rest and let the poison work."



Five Surgeons
Five surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.
The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up,
everything inside is numbered."
The second responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is
color coded."

The third surgeon says: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is
in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when
you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to
operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are
interchangeable."



What is the Difference Between Them?

* A successful man is one who makes more money, than his wife can spend. A successful woman is the one who can find such a man.
* Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
* A man will pay 2 pesos for a 1-peso item he wants. A woman will pay 1 peso for a 2
pesos that she doesn't want.
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
* There are times when a man doesn't understand a woman-before and after marriage.
* To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
* Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
* A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
* Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.



reader:Sabi tagalog , ba't may english?
ako: May nakalagay na na wala ? diba sabi jan 'lots'.

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happyghu
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PostSubject: Re: Lots of tagalog jokes (part5)   Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:30 pm

req koh lng po

yung color po ng font medyo darkan nyo po kc po hirap basahin
maganda nmn po ung jokes nakakatawapo ung iba hindi


tnx..
happyghurl13
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prettygu
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PostSubject: ,.,.,   Thu Apr 15, 2010 11:02 am

ahhm,., mejo mlabo kc iih,., ede puh ba pki aus puh ung color,.,
aus lng puh jokes gnda aman puh iih kaso nga lng puh tlga ksakit ng ulo
kaya d kuh na puh natapox.,,.,.,.,!!!
UN LNG puh.,.,
tnx!!


prettygurl22.,.!!!
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