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 Lots of tagalog jokes (part4)

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dzypherus
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Male Number of posts : 376
Age : 34
Location : Philippines(Iligan)
Registration date : 2007-08-20

PostSubject: Lots of tagalog jokes (part4)   Thu Aug 07, 2008 2:24 am

Anghel : Juan, kumuha ka ng bato
"kumuha si juan ng maliit na bato"
Anghel : yan ang gagawin kong tinapay at yan ang pagkain mo
Juan : sana pala malaki kinuha ko....
Anghel : Juan, kumuha ka ulit ng bato
"kumuha si juan ng malaking bato"
Anghel : ihagis mo yan at kung saan abutin hanggang dyan ang magiging lupa mo
Juan : sana pala maliit kinuha ko para malayo ko nahagis....
Anghel : juan kumuha ka ng dalawang bato
"kumuha si juan ng isang maliit at isang malaki"
Juan : eto sigurado na to, malaking tinapay at malawak na lupa
Anghel : Yan ang magiging BAYAG mo!



Sa isang kasalan
FR. DAMASO: Ikaw, lalaki, ang tatayong haligi ng tahanan. Ikaw naman, babae, ang ilaw ng tahanan.
BIYENAN: Eh ako po, Father?
FR. DAMASO: Ikaw ang magiging anay ng tahanan.


HOST: Identify an organ in the human body that starts with the letter L.
LITTLE MS. PHILIPPINES: The LUNGS! Without it, we cannot breathe.
MS. GAY: The LIVER! Without it, our body will weaken because the liver cleanses our system.
BB. PILIPINAS-WORLD: Im sorry, guys, Im only 17 years old and I told you Im confident, but my answer is the L-BOW! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Without the L-BOW, we cannot spread our wings and fly butterfly! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! The L-BOW is the most important organ in the human body that starts with the letter L!


Honeymoon:
BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.
GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Diba dati may alaga kang ahas?
BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!



SAMPUNG UTOS SA MGA MANGINGINOM:
1. HUWAG MAKULIT habang umiinom.
2. HUWAG MATAKAW SA PULUTAN dahil hindi ito picnic.
3. HUWAG PATAGALIN ANG BASO may naghihintay pang tatagay.
4. HUWAG UMINOM NG UMINOM, kailangang bumili ka rin.
5. MAGPAALAM KUNG UUWI NA at huwag yung biglang nawawala.
6. UMINOM NG DIRETSO SA TIYAN at huwag sa ulo upang maiwasan ang
basag ulo.
7. MAGTIRA NG PAMASAHE para hindi maglakad pauwi ng bahay at
iwasan ding umuwi ng pagapang.
8. HUWAG MATUTULOG HABANG UMIINOM kahit medio may tama na.
9. SIGURADUHING SA SARILING SA BAHAY ang uwi kung lasing na.
10. HUWAG MANAKIT NG ASAWA/SYOTA
kung hindi bigyan ng pang-inom, at
dapat mo pang lambingin para
pagbigyang muli.

HULING PAKI-USAP:
IWASANG SUMUKA AT UMIHI SA
SALAWAL!!!


BOY: I know we are also matter we can't occupy the same space at the same time. Kaya aalis na lang ako.
GIRL: bakit ganun para tayong mga parallel lines, why can't we meet at the same point?
BOY: your verbs and actions are not correct that's why all of the subjects are affected.
GIRL: ayoko na. you've reached my boiling point. And now my heart is getting to its freezing point!


MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?
MR: uhm.. both..
MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and ugly?
MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you're pretty ugly.


DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.



TRIVIA: do you know how they make rubber gloves in China ?
Workers deep their hands into melted latex, then air-dry them.
Now guess how they make condoms?


Why God invented menopause:
Once upon a time, a 70 year old woman gave birth.
BISITA: pwedeng makita ang baby mo?
MOM: mamaya na.
30 minutes after.
BISITA: pwede na bang makita?
MOM: oo, pero hintay muna tayo na umiyak kasi nakalimutan ko kung saan ko linagay.



in a miss gay pageant:
HOST: how can we uplift our economy today even though we are under economic crisis?
BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!


Sexy girl nagkukumpisal:
PARI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SEXY: father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya magsex!
PARI: 'tang ina! Di nga?



TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa chicken.
BOY: knorr chicken cubes!
TEACHER: get out!


when your lips are silent and your eyes are closed and your ears are deaf.
It only means one thing. May discount ka sa jeep. Disabled ka 'tol, disabled!


The Philippine presidents flying in a plane.
GMA: what if I throw a check for a million pesos out the window to make at least 1 Filipino happy?
CORY: but my dear, why don't you throw 2 checks for half a million each and thus make 2 Filipinos happy?
RAMOS: why not throw four checks for a quarter of a million each and make four Filipinos happy?
And on it went until finally, Erap blurts out:
"but madam president, why not simply throw yourself out of the window and make all the Filipinos happy?"


MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!



eto ang banat na malupet.
GUY: miss, pinaglihi ka ba sa inidoro?
GIRL: bakit?
GUY: kasi ako pinaglihi sa tae. Nung nakita kita, di ko mapigilang mahulog!



pen pen de chorvaloo de kemerloo de eklavoo, hao hao de chenelyn de big uten. Sifit dapat iipit, goldness filak chumuchorva sa tabi ng chenes!
Shoyang ang fula, talong na fula, shoyang ang fute, talong na mafute, chuk chak chenes namo ek ek.
-yan na naman ang mga batang bading! Ayaw paawat!


imagine if all straight guys are talking in gay lingo.
STUDENT: bakit di mo chinuva yung girlalu? Malaki naman ang susey ng lola mo ah.
HUNK: Winnie cordero nga dude sa susey, Melanie marquez naman sa brainwaves. Wit na.
Jaworski while coaching: keber sa kalaban! Just focus! We cannot afford to luz valdez ! Getlakin niyo yung last freethrow! Windangin yung mga julaban!
Ok! Go for the gold to the highest level mga chorva! Gow lang! gow lang ng gow!



BOY1: nkakakawa naman lola mo.
BOY2: bakit?
BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.
Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.
BOY2: papansin lang yun!
BOY1: bakit?
BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!

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michael
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Age : 24
Location : davao
Registration date : 2008-05-10

PostSubject: Re: Lots of tagalog jokes (part4)   Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:27 pm

oi..steelryx..buhi npd imo site??..haha..maao!!..
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